Heartbeats

Litt‎le things. Heartbeats. 

Most of us never even give them second thought, yet without them we wouldn’t even have this life to consider. 

Is it strange to anyone else how something so vital to our very lives can pass under the radar so quietly that we aren’t even aware of it?

Unless something goes wrong. Then that which we took for granted becomes the center of our universe and we’re acutely aware of each and every one. All are tiny miracles. Tiny miracles over which we have no control. 

Sometimes, when I’m struggling to grasp something about God, I imagine myself as a little girl again. A stubborn bundle of crazy hair, big eyes and lots and lots of questions.

In those moments, God wears the sweet, Romans 8:15 label of Abba Father.

That “term of tender endearment used by a beloved child in an affectionate, dependent relationship with their father, daddy, papa.” (More)

The Jesus-door opens and I run right up to the throne and throw myself into His lap to cry out my confusion. You know, He always holds me. Is always there no matter how many times I come. He dries the tears, smooths my tangled hair and whispers Truth gently. My little girl self relaxes and rests in His love. There? In that moment? There’s no doubt of His care. No question of His delight.

He sets me on my feet and sends me off to play. To enjoy this life He so freely gives.

That gift I so freely forget when the shadowy moments hit and I can’t see through the dark. My weak knees give way. I stumble. He takes my shaking arms and pulls me back up with a steady hand. He vigorously massages the weak muscles and I scream like a three foot tall banshee, not understanding that He’s only trying to strengthen my faith.

After the fact, I laugh at my utterly childish reaction. How do I forget so quickly those moments He showers His grace on me? How quickly I forget His tenderness.

I’m grateful He doesn’t grow tired of showing me. He scoops me right back up and holds me close to His heart. When I press my ear against that chest, I hear the heartbeat. All it says is love.

Love … Love … Love … Love …

For all of eternity it echoes, Love.

The moments of struggle come when I forget to pay attention to that ever-important heartbeat. But when I tune my ear to hear it, I calm. Whenever my own heart grows cold with fear…fear in the present or fear of the future, I remember. And I listen.

Life isn’t truly life if I don’t.

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2 thoughts on “Heartbeats

  1. I love your writing and I love you. While I relearn these days how to sit with Him, these are the images and the stories and the Abba I have to remember. Miss you, friend. – K

  2. Hi Erika!

    Can I have your permission to read this for a devotional to the preschool and elementary teachers? They’ll be back next week but we won’t start devotions until a couple of weeks after school starts. Everyone has to do a devotion and I’d love to share this with them. You are the best writer ever! I can just follow and relate to what you are saying so well. I love the way you share what’s in our heart. I sure miss you. I really enjoyed your video – Bill watched it too. We are praying for you.

    We had dinner with Peter and Nancy Halder Saturday night at Smiley’s. They did the cooking! We had an authentic Bangladesh meal and it was great! I thought of you and wished you had been there.

    Kathy Jennings
    Admissions Office – Indian Rocks Christian School
    Administrative Assistant to Pre-K/Elementary Principals
    12685 Ulmerton Road
    Largo, FL 33774
    Office: 727-596-7192
    Fax: 727-593-8778
    http://www.ircs.org

    No life is hopeless unless Christ is ruled out.

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