Cool Kids

Tomorrow morning I have my first eye doctor appointment in 22 years. I’m not sure if I even need to go, but my brother has worked for an optometrist for the past year and has finally managed to convince me to come in. What scares me is that by this time tomorrow, I could have results that (with the risk of sounding overly dramatic) could change the rest of my life. Doctor’s appointments, prescriptions, glasses, contacts, and all that comes with any result confirming a possible fall from the 20/20 category. Which is a pretty big deal to a relatively low maintenance girl.

When I was little, I was always jealous of the kids with braces and glasses and used to bend paper clips pretending I had a retainer- like practically every other kid in my class. When my less fortunate brothers got older and started bringing home cool glasses, I would try them on, admiring my intelligent look. Only as I’ve grown older, have I realized the blessing that was mine because of all those things I was “deprived from.

Many times I look back on my life at something I wanted badly at some point and realize how that prized object is rarely as it seems. How many of us have thought “if I didn’t end up with so and so, I’ll be miserable”, only to look back a year later and realize that if you HAD ended up with that person your life would be a horrible mess? Other times it’s been a job, travel opportunity, a car, a certain possession or even a situation that we allow to fill our vision.

Lately, my biggest struggle has been seeing how easliy things seem to fall into place for others when it feels like God has me on Moses’ 40 year journey. I feel like I take one step to seemingly fall off a cliff. Not only do I have to fight my way back to the spot I had once inhabited, I have to find the courage to take that blind step again. But no matter how hard it gets, I’m trusting God to guide each step and if He thinks cliffdiving is the best way to teach me the lessons He has for me, then I fully trust Him to lead me to my destination. What I had to realize is that no matter what my goals are, or where my dreams lie, only the Lord knows where I will be in 5 years, 10 years or even tomorrow. If I truly believe that, then obviously He’s the ONLY one whose guidance I need to listen to in regards to my future because He alone knows what I will need at every point of my journey. He is the ONLY one capable of meeting those needs. Especially those needs I’m not even aware of yet. And if He decides that it’s not time for any of those things that I want, think I need or even think I deserve, then I’d rather wait on Him than go find it for myself and risk those painful scratches by trying to make myself a “cool kid” before my time.

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